I am constantly reminded that each of us are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. We all make mistakes, bad choices and sometimes we completely turn our backs on God.
Being a Christian isn’t about being perfect or even trying to be perfect, it is about having a personal relationship with God, and allowing him to use us, and everything we have been through to his glory.
For years, I know I trued to make my life appear that it was perfect, and that I was the perfect person, and tried (apparently successfully) pull off being the prissy girl who looked and acted the part, when in all actuality my life was a mess. During the period of time I was pretending to be the perfect Christian girl (in high school), who was involved in church and youth activities and all that jazz, what very few people saw was the mess my life was and the fact I was struggling to cope with grief. During this time, I was well on the road to developing an eating disorder, I was constantly skipping school, Self Harm, and doing dumb stuff and didn’t care.
In College I had pushed God away and was doing what I wanted to do, and doing it all my way, but God was still there, guiding my life.
After College I still spent a few years a drift not really knowing what was going on, yet I was learning about who I am and what I am passion about and the talents God gave me.
I gave my life back to the Lord about three and a half years ago. Some days, even weeks and months I feel like I am the worst person alive. I still struggle with Anxiety and insecurities each and every day. Most days I don’t feel like I am ever good enough or worthy of God’s love for me.
Even when I feel like my whole world and life is falling apart, God reminds me that he is there, that he loves me, and that he is in control.