Broken Things

Hey Everyone!

The song “Broken Things” by Matthew West has been on repeat the couple weeks.

The pages of history they tell me it’s true
That it’s never the perfect; it’s always the ones with the scars that You use
It’s the rebels and the prodigals; it’s the humble and the weak
The misfit heroes You chose

This verse really stood out to me, because it describes me and my own journey. I for sure have scars and am the “rebel”.

The past few months I have kind of felt aimless and adrift.

It took me a few times hearing this song for me to really understand the message in this song.

As I grow as a person and as a Christian, the Lord is faithful. None of us are perfect people, we are imperfect people living in a fallen world. All I have to offer God, is broken pieces, and that is what he wants, to use those broken pieces for his Glory.

In those moments where I feel like I am completely falling apart, the Lord reminds me that he is right there and there is a bigger picture and bigger things he has planned for me.


Finding Gratitude

Hey Everyone!

Yesterday morning, while I was at work I had seen (and put out) these journals. I knew I needed one of my own when I saw them. So I picked one up of my own today while I had gone into my store to do some shopping.

Where I currently work is very secular, so I was a little shocked when I saw these journals. Then I got thinking about it, even those who aren’t Christians can be grateful for good things that happen (which is what the purpose of these is). As a Christian it takes on a deeper meaning, and I know I need the reminder of the good things that God does and allows to happen in my life.

Don’t be Afraid to Break the Mold

Hey Everyone!

I can only speak from my own experience here. My own experience has taught me that around church and in Christian circles there are Taboo subjects that people don’t and won’t talk about until it happens to someone they are close to.

Subjects such as teen pregnancy, unwed and single mothers, eating disorders, self harm, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, suicide (attempted and successful). These subjects are real, and staring us in the face, as most of us, even if we don’t know it have met someone who has struggled with one or more of these issues or have dealt with one or more of them ourselves.

I know from my own experience, because of the struggles I have dealt with personally, with eating disorders and self harm, as well as walking away from and turning my back on God, until I was 26 coupled with the fact that I am more of an outdoorsy, adventurous girls, I have felt so out of place in church.

God has been showing me through life situations and hearing others stories that God created me, and has allowed me to live this long because he has a purpose for me.

He has a purpose for each of us. So don’t be afraid of the life God has for you, if you are willing to live your life for him. Also, don’t be afraid to break the molds that you have created for yourself and that others have created for you. They don’t know you like God knows you, and they can’t always see your heart even when you try to share it with them.

I have lost good friends along the way because they just didn’t get me, or God’s plan for me. It was hard, especially having to walk away from my best friend because our paths diverged and I finally had to walk away from the friendship because it was unhealthy and one sided.

I have learned that when I stop caring what others think of me and follow God, I thrive.

Getting to the point when all you want is why God wants for you takes time, prayer, and effort.

I know I am not totally where wants me to be, but I will get there.

Learning to Be Me

Hey Everyone!

From the time I entered my teenage years until recently, I had always felt pressured to be someone and something I not, especially by other Christians. Many times I know they meant well, but how it came across to me was oppressive and judgmental. I am in no way like either of my Grandmothers, who were wonderful christian ladies. I am not like my brother, who is super involved in everything church related, or who I was as a teenager who was involved in church activities.

Until recently, I felt like a shell of my former self, as well as trying to break free of any one else’s idea of who I should be and how I should be serving God.

It has really been in the last few months when I have really allowed God to guide me, and allow him to define who I am, what I do with my life and how I live it. When I stopped listening to others who didn’t actually listen to me, and didn’t trust me when I told them the direction I was going IS the direction the Lord is leading me in, because it took me away from what was right for them.

I have been told that my past doesn’t define me, which is partially true, but it sure did help shape the person I am today. While I no longer self harm, use alcohol to mask the pain I go through, or battle with eating disorders, those things are still a part of what has made me who I am. The emotional, psychological and physical scars from these things and more are still there, and cannot be erased. These things and more are a part of my story and my journey, and while I am more than just these things, I cannot forget or ignore that I have been though them.

The Lord has been showing me who to listen to and who not to listen to. I know a lot of people mean well, but they just don’t get it, so their advice is more deconstructive than constructive, and it leaves you feeling more alone and vulnerable than before.

Through this time of the Lord guiding me to be who he wants me to be, he has been helping me find my voice and be able to speak up and speak for myself rather than holding in what I am thinking.

I have also been seeking God’s will on where to attend church. Trying to find a good fit for me can be hard. I know the Lord will guide me in that as well. That will come with time and knowing where I am supposed to be living.

The whole reason why I started this blog is to help other young people, who have or are going through hard stuff, and that maybe my blog can encourage someone or help someone. No matter what you have or are going though, you are not alone.

We are Imperfect People living in an Imperfect World

Hey Everyone!

I am constantly reminded that each of us are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. We all make mistakes, bad choices and sometimes we completely turn our backs on God.

Being a Christian isn’t about being perfect or even trying to be perfect, it is about having a personal relationship with God, and allowing him to use us, and everything we have been through to his glory.

For years, I know I trued to make my life appear that it was perfect, and that I was the perfect person, and tried (apparently successfully) pull off being the prissy girl who looked and acted the part, when in all actuality my life was a mess. During the period of time I was pretending to be the perfect Christian girl (in high school), who was involved in church and youth activities and all that jazz, what very few people saw was the mess my life was and the fact I was struggling to cope with grief. During this time, I was well on the road to developing an eating disorder, I was constantly skipping school, Self Harm, and doing dumb stuff and didn’t care.

In College I had pushed God away and was doing what I wanted to do, and doing it all my way, but God was still there, guiding my life.

After College I still spent a few years a drift not really knowing what was going on, yet I was learning about who I am and what I am passion about and the talents God gave me.

I gave my life back to the Lord about three and a half years ago. Some days, even weeks and months I feel like I am the worst person alive. I still struggle with Anxiety and insecurities each and every day. Most days I don’t feel like I am ever good enough or worthy of God’s love for me.

Even when I feel like my whole world and life is falling apart, God reminds me that he is there, that he loves me, and that he is in control.

His Strength is made Perfect in our Weakness

Hey Everyone!

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:9‬ ‭KJV‬‬

This verse has been on my mind today, with having a stressful few weeks and seeking God’s will and direction for my future. I have been trying to stand back and allow the Lord to lead, guide and show me his will for my life and not be afraid to embrace it with open arms even when it scares me.

There have been a lot of things on my plate the past few weeks and I have been looking for the lessons and things the Lord is trying to teach me through each situation.

The Lord has been drawing things out and putting his finger on things that in the past I have said no to or not considered, as well as things I feel totally unqualified to do. That is where the verse comes in, it has been a reminder that his strength is made perfect in our weakness. In our weak areas when we give them to the Lord to use, he can take them and run with them.

One of my biggest obstacles is getting over myself and my wants when they aren’t 100% in line with God’s. While these things aren’t sins, they are things that are keeping me from being where God wants me to be.