Stay at Home Daughters; Setting up Young Women to Fail at Real Life

Hey Everyone!

The concept of the whole “Stay At Home Daughter” movement has been something that has been on my heart a lot since I first found about it. It has been on my heart, not in the way of “this is what God has called me to do”, rather, to shed some light on the harmful and negative ramifications of this lifestyle.

Being a wife and a mother, as well as a Christian are scripturally good things, being a stay at home daughter, is not. Choosing to be a stay at home daughter when you are not called to it, or being forced to be one (or forcing your daughters to be SAHD) is the same as saying that your will is more important than God’s will and plan for your / your daughters life. Especially nowadays, a young woman needs to have some job and real world skills to fall back on, even if she is called to be a wife and mother.

Here are some real world examples of why being a stay at home daughter is setting yourself / your daughter up for failure:

  1. She is not called to get married
  2. She is called to get married, but not until she is a bit older (I know plenty of young women who are following God’s will for their lives, who are still single well into their 30’s).
  3. She is called to bring in a second income to help make ends meet, and provide the necessities for the family.
  4. Because we live in a fallen world, sickness happens, where the husband is taken ill, and eventually passes away, during the time time of illness the wife has to work to support herself and her children, and even while the husband is still alive, in many ways is a single parent. After her husband passes away, she must continue to work, and IS a single parent, and has to finish raising her children on her own.
  5. Young woman marries guy, guy turns out to not be a man who provides for his family, he takes off leaving her to fend for herself and to take care of their children on her own.

I have seen all of these situations unfold within my own life and in the lives of those around me. I personally still fall into #2.

God has given us each a unique set of talents, skills, interests, and hobbies he has also given each of us a unique calling. Some young women are called to be homemakers, others are not. Some women are given the talent, and desire to learn to cook, bake, crafts, and other “feminine” things, others are called to more of the scientific and mathematic fields. There are others who love to do all the homemaking and crafting things, but also enjoy things like Gardening, raising animals, homesteading, hiking, fishing, chopping wood, and some more “masculine” things by today’s definition of masculine. Though some of these things, if you look at history, women did as well, and it didn’t make them any less of a Christian woman.

I have also heard the argument for the stay at home daughter movement being, along the lines of protecting the girls for the ways of the world. The best thing you can do for yourself, and your daughters (and all your children) if you are a parent, is teach them about what goes on in the world, and how to guard themselves. The bible even talks about being in the world, but not of the world.

I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth. As thou hast sent me into the world, even so have I also sent them into the world. And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth. Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word;

– John 17: 14 – 20 (KJV)

There is absolutely nothing wrong with girls learning how to keep a home, these are good qualities to have, and boys should learn some of these skills as well (like how to clean up after themselves, as their mothers, sisters, wives and daughters are NOT their maids).

My main point, is don’t force God into a box of how you think your life should be, and that being a stay at home wife and mother is the only godly call you (or your daughter) is allowed to have to be a good Christian woman. I would advise you to pray about it, and find what things you are good at, because those strengths are gifts from God. While the strengths, talents and skills aren’t the only things he will call of you to use for him, he may very well call you do something in an area you have a weakness so he can show his strength in your weakness, but don’t forget he also gave you the things you are good at.

We as young women are born to be more than just wives and mothers, life happens, and we have to be able to rely on God to provide for our needs. Our lives depend on God, not solely on what men can provide for us. When we learn how to be complete individuals in and of ourselves with God as our center, we can then learn how to be a wife, and support our husbands. God did design marriage to have the husband as the head, but that by no means lessens the Woman’s role. At this point I will refer you to Ephesians 5: 21 – 31, as to what a christian marriage should look like.

With that being said, and going back to what I was talking about earlier, marriage doesn’t happen right away for many young women. By having “real life skills” and having experience in the business world, gives young women added knowledge, and should life be such, where we as women need to work, as well as possibly having the need arise where we need to support ourselves and our family, we will know how. Anymore, Most women will need to work at some point in her adult life, and it isn’t right not have the skills you need for when you need to work. Being a Stay At Home Daughter is not practical or doing oneself any favors.

Advertisements

Worship Service with my Favorite Christian Band

Hey Everyone!

What a night, and what a week. Last weekend was the Women’s Retreat that I went on, and then this evening was the Rend Collective Concert.

This concert was the second Rend Collective Concert that I have been to. The first one I went to, was when they had come to Portland in 2016. While I had a great time last time as well as this time, this year was a bit different for me. As I have been growing in the Lord, I was really able to enjoy this evening’s concert as a Worship Service with my favorite Christian band, rather than just a concert.

Over the past few years, I have been seeing how God uses and blesses different types of worship. There is a time and a place for the reserved, conservative worship, but there is also nothing wrong with the uninhibited style of worship.

Coming from a place where the worship services and the worship parts of the service were very reserved, controlled and conservative, and understanding that that way of worship wasn’t necessarily a good fit for me, to having gone to my first Rend Collective experience two years ago, and really being opened up to a different style of worship and seeing God work through that left an impression on me. It has been two years between my first Rend Collective concert and the one I went to last night, and I have definitely changed in two years. Being more open and receptive to allowing God to use whatever means necessary to speak to hearts and draw people close to him, I am all for it. Last night, I was trying to think of comparisons to the closest thing I had experienced to a worship service like that, as I have never attended a megachurch that have a praise team, a worship band and all the latest technology, and the closest thing I could relate it too was a Youth Camp chapel service, and even then those still tended to be a bit more reserved than last night.

IMG_1587IMG_1586

No Longer Hiding from my Past

Hey Everyone!

This weekend I had gone on a ladies retreat. I hadn’t realized how much I had needed this retreat and fellowship with other Christian ladies.

The topics of the devotions focused on “I AM” passages in the Bible, where the lord used “I Am” statements in his teachings and how we need to be like sheep who stick close to the Shepard.

While I am still fairly new to the church, one of the things the Lord has been dealing with me on, is allowing others to see the real me, and where I have come from in my own journey.

This weekend I was able to be more open with these ladies than I ever have with a lot of people I have known for years.

While I don’t like talking about things I have gone through in the past, and I have recovered from them, they don’t define me. That being said these issues have helped shape who I am today.

I have built a certain level of trust with some of these ladies, so it is a bit easier to open up to them. It has also helped me to not be so afraid to share my testimony.

If I could help one young women either not have to go through some of the things I have been through, or be a listening ear and encouragement while she is going through / or recovering from some of what I have been through, it would all be worth it.

Leading By Example

Hey Everyone!

When I was younger, I never really thought about how people, especially those who are younger than me, watch my life, and how I live my life.

Once I realized that there were younger girls watching my life, I was in college, and didn’t want the responsibility, so I had shirked it.

As I got older, I began to understand that this responsibility was not a bad thing, it is something that God wants me to use for his glory.

Watching the girls grow up, who I have watched grow up from the time they were born or really little, and babysat them when they were little, I knew I had the power to have an impact, good or bad, on their lives.

Like I mentioned earlier, after the period of not wanting to deal with it and trying to escape that responsibility, I knew I couldn’t escape it. I had to make the choice of what kind of example I was going to be to those in my life. With age, maturity and God, I pray that my light will shine.

Living My Faith in the City

Hey Everyone!

Over the past several years (more like decade) I have read different blogs written by other Christian young women, and the trend I kept seeing were very conservative young women, living in small towns or rural areas in the Midwest and South. Many of whom were stay at home daughters and / or married young and if they had jobs they were only working until the had children. That’s all fine and good when that is the life you are called to, and choose to live.

Not all of us are called to that life, and are raised differently, all still being brought up in Christian homes, and are Christians ourselves.

I couldn’t relate to the girls writing the stay at home daughter – purpose in life, only to be a wife and mother, because my life was and is on a very different path.

I grew up in the City, and went to public school for K – 12, attended a public university in a small town for four years where I lived on my own during that time.

I have had jobs since I graduated from college, and still working on a career, and earning a paycheck outside the home. I am 30 and still unmarried.

While I have not been a huge fan of living the city life, over the past few months I have been learning how to embrace it, and see that it’s not all bad.

As I have spent more time seeking God, understanding what I believe and why, as well as how it differs from what I was raised to believe I have come to realize that being in the city could do some good. There is so much good that could be done by staying in the city.

Growing up, I knew my maternal grandmother had to work, prior to being married as well as from the time my mom was a child. My Grandpa had been sick and eventually passed away. The financial responsibility then fell completely back on my grandma, as well as being a single mother. I also saw my mom work full time, my whole life.

For some of us, God has other plans and a different call for our lives than being a stay at home wife and mother, and being able to live on one income.

The direction that God is leading me in, to take this blog forward is one of how I live my faith and follow him while living in a very progressive and liberal city.

The things I love and am passionate about, like hiking, camping, knitting and Urban Homesteading haven’t changed. The Lord is calling me to bloom where I am planted, in this city.

Waiting On an Answer

Hey Everyone!

I had an interview for a job a week ago yesterday, and I have been waiting since then for an answer as to whether I got the job or not.

This job is definitely one I would like to have, and I have definitely been praying about it this past week. Having patience and practicing it isn’t always the easiest for me. I keep reminding myself that if this job is the one that the Lord wants me to have right now, I will get it, if not I will have to move on and continue trying to understand where i go from here.

Waiting and trusting God, almost always seems to be the hard part. I am the kind of person who likes knowing what is going on, and know how things are going to work out.

This is just another lesson in leaning on God, because I don’t understand it, and how his ways are higher than mine, and if I don’t get the job that I want, God has a bigger plan and some thing else for me.

Faith is all about Risk and Adventure

Hey Everyone!

A lot of my blog posts lately have been about following God, and trusting God with everything and with what is next in our lives. I am writing about what I am going through and what I am learning about in my own life and my own walk with God.

In the past year I have really had to step out into the unknown and go. I have been having to trust God with my needs, for work, financially, what I am suppose to be doing with my life and making sure it lines up with his will.

This past year, I have really had to lean on God, and on his strength, because he knows what he is doing, and I know I can’t do it in my strength.

It was a little over a year ago, when my own world really began turning upside down, and that upside down lead from one thing to another and right now my new normal is so different from what my normal was at the beginning of 2017.

In the past three months or so, I have really been challenged to step out into the unknown and go wherever the Lord leads me and asks me to go, rather than shrinking back and staying in what is familiar and comfortable. I have seen what staying with what is familiar and comfortable does, and it’s not pretty.

I started this blog to share my story and my own experiences, trials, failures, triumphs, in my own walk with God. I am not perfect, I do not pretend to be, and I do not want to portray anything other than being a real person. I am human, I am not perfect, I make mistakes, I screw up, I can be awkward and quiet especially around new people and large groups. I don’t have it all together.

In my failures, in my doubts, in my insecurities, God has met the there. He gave me a good friend who I can talk too, and verbalize with, what’s going on in my head and what’s on my hearts. She is like a big sister to me, I know God put her in my life for a reason.

I have been seeing God work. It hasn’t been in the ways I was expecting. I have learned that with God, that what you expect and what He does can be two completely different things. I have seen him work and months down the road have what was going on make sense or see the connections in how things come together. They aren’t random, they can only be explained as that it was God who orchestrated it and worked it out.