The Cares of Life

Hey Everyone!

This evening, as I was trying to get everything done after a busy day, while preparing for another busy day tomorrow, I realized how busy I have been the past few weeks.

In that realization, the lord had put it on my heart that in the busyness of life, I had allowed the devil to use that busyness and the cares of life take up more and more of the place God should be.

I don’t want the cares of life and being busy with tasks that aren’t necessarily helping to further the spreading of the gospel or taking the time and place I had previously devoted to God.

It is so easy to get caught up in life, work, looking for work, events, functions and let reading and praying slide because your tired and had a long day. Believe me, I know how easy it is.

God is always faithful to remind me of what is important, and that I need to read my bible and seek him every day.

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When God Stops You in Your Tracks

Hey Everyone!

This year has been a tougher year. I really feel like I have been stretched and tried.

Today I feel like it hit me, that sometimes God stops us dead in our tracks because we got complacent and he wants us to change the course we are on.

A little back story, I had been laid off from the job I had had for nearly 2 and a half years back in March. I have spent the last few months struggling financially. The job I have now came along at the perfect time, though it is only seasonal, and in about another month or so, I will be without a job again. I have been actively looking for work in the area I am in, to no avail. That got me thinking, “this isn’t working, this is not where I am supposed to be. Where does God want me to be and what does he want me to be doing?”

I had attended a university in a small rural town in the middle of farm country. The towns I lived in, were a better fit for me than the city ever has been. Between living the city and growing up in a big church in the city, I felt lost and that I was a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.

There are times, that God does want us to bloom where we are planted, and we are to find why we are supposed to be doing where we are. Conversely, there are times God calls us to go someplace else, and where we are at is not where he can best use us.

A few years back, I had kind of been discussing this with a good friend of mine, who is like a sister to me, had told me “the right thing at the wrong time, is the wrong thing”, meaning, even when you know that something is the right choice for you, but it’s not the right time for you to be doing it, than it is the wrong thing for you at that point in time. I have also heard it similarly put, “When God answers pray, sometimes it’s a yes, other times it is a no and sometimes it is ‘wait’.” As there is something we need to learn or do (or both), in the interim.

As we grow in our walk with God, and in life in general, we grow and change. I am not the same as I was a year ago, let alone 5 or 10 years ago. Our goals and priorities definitely change.

Choosing to live a Christ Centered life comes with choosing what God wants over what we want. It is by no means easy, but it is better than living life without God. God calls us each to live different lives, and do different things with the lives he has given us.

While this year has been tough, I am grateful for this year. To be able to Grow, and rely on God. If it weren’t for him, I would be a complete mess. He has definitely changed my goals and priorities the past few months. While I don’t know what’s next for me, once my seasonal job is over, but I have hopes that 2018 will be a year of more changes, in a good way, and that God’s will will be done.

In the Midst of Tragedy and Despair, God is Still there

Hey Everyone!

This week has been particularly rough. It has been one of those weeks when it feels like God is so far away, and you scratch your head. Some people would wonder why God allows such things happen to good people.

On Sunday, there was the tragic shooting at the church in Texas.

This afternoon, when I woke up after having worked last night, I found out that something tragic had happened to a family that attends the roseburg branch of the church I was raised going to. I knew this family, albeit not super well, I know the oldest daughter the best, as we have moved in some of the same circles and are only a couple years apart in age. I had stayed at this family’s house once when I had gone done with a group for special meetings. The family consisted of the parents, their two biological daughters, and their three foster children (who are also their nieces and nephew). The oldest daughter and the oldest foster daughter/ niece / older biological sister to the young man, weren’t at the house when this occurred. Long story short foster son/nephew murdered his foster mom/aunt, foster sister/cousin and younger biological sister while foster father/uncle was gone. He (the young man) has been arrested and charged (with measure 11 offenses so he will be tried as an adult). It still doesn’t seem real.

There has also been work stress lately and life stuff happening this week. Sunday night, I drove to work with a heavy heart, because my world has been changing, for the better, but there has been a lot of letting go happening. There is a part of me, and the younger me that I cannot get back, the future is uncertain, but it is also a fresh start.

In all the chaos of the past few weeks, God has felt far away, but I can also see that he is right there with me, and he’s got this. He sees the bigger picture, he knows what is next. I know he has been preparing me for something more. He has been reopening things that I had not wanted to allow myself to be when I was younger, for various reasons. He has been putting his finger on personality traits I had been repressing, because he wants to use them.

I finally got tired of fighting and am now wanting to desire the things that God wants me to do. For so long I had tried so hard to be the black sheep and little rebel of my family. I have screwed up a lot, and been through things that have changed me as a person.

Lately, I have been given a chance to see myself, as others have seen me, which has actually helped me see myself as who I am supposed.

There is a whole lot more to the story of how God has been working is my life and on my life which I will pick up at a later time.

Broken Things

Hey Everyone!

The song “Broken Things” by Matthew West has been on repeat the couple weeks.

The pages of history they tell me it’s true
That it’s never the perfect; it’s always the ones with the scars that You use
It’s the rebels and the prodigals; it’s the humble and the weak
The misfit heroes You chose

This verse really stood out to me, because it describes me and my own journey. I for sure have scars and am the “rebel”.

The past few months I have kind of felt aimless and adrift.

It took me a few times hearing this song for me to really understand the message in this song.

As I grow as a person and as a Christian, the Lord is faithful. None of us are perfect people, we are imperfect people living in a fallen world. All I have to offer God, is broken pieces, and that is what he wants, to use those broken pieces for his Glory.

In those moments where I feel like I am completely falling apart, the Lord reminds me that he is right there and there is a bigger picture and bigger things he has planned for me.

Finding Gratitude

Hey Everyone!

Yesterday morning, while I was at work I had seen (and put out) these journals. I knew I needed one of my own when I saw them. So I picked one up of my own today while I had gone into my store to do some shopping.

Where I currently work is very secular, so I was a little shocked when I saw these journals. Then I got thinking about it, even those who aren’t Christians can be grateful for good things that happen (which is what the purpose of these is). As a Christian it takes on a deeper meaning, and I know I need the reminder of the good things that God does and allows to happen in my life.

Don’t be Afraid to Break the Mold

Hey Everyone!

I can only speak from my own experience here. My own experience has taught me that around church and in Christian circles there are Taboo subjects that people don’t and won’t talk about until it happens to someone they are close to.

Subjects such as teen pregnancy, unwed and single mothers, eating disorders, self harm, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, suicide (attempted and successful). These subjects are real, and staring us in the face, as most of us, even if we don’t know it have met someone who has struggled with one or more of these issues or have dealt with one or more of them ourselves.

I know from my own experience, because of the struggles I have dealt with personally, with eating disorders and self harm, as well as walking away from and turning my back on God, until I was 26 coupled with the fact that I am more of an outdoorsy, adventurous girls, I have felt so out of place in church.

God has been showing me through life situations and hearing others stories that God created me, and has allowed me to live this long because he has a purpose for me.

He has a purpose for each of us. So don’t be afraid of the life God has for you, if you are willing to live your life for him. Also, don’t be afraid to break the molds that you have created for yourself and that others have created for you. They don’t know you like God knows you, and they can’t always see your heart even when you try to share it with them.

I have lost good friends along the way because they just didn’t get me, or God’s plan for me. It was hard, especially having to walk away from my best friend because our paths diverged and I finally had to walk away from the friendship because it was unhealthy and one sided.

I have learned that when I stop caring what others think of me and follow God, I thrive.

Getting to the point when all you want is why God wants for you takes time, prayer, and effort.

I know I am not totally where wants me to be, but I will get there.

Learning to Be Me

Hey Everyone!

From the time I entered my teenage years until recently, I had always felt pressured to be someone and something I not, especially by other Christians. Many times I know they meant well, but how it came across to me was oppressive and judgmental. I am in no way like either of my Grandmothers, who were wonderful christian ladies. I am not like my brother, who is super involved in everything church related, or who I was as a teenager who was involved in church activities.

Until recently, I felt like a shell of my former self, as well as trying to break free of any one else’s idea of who I should be and how I should be serving God.

It has really been in the last few months when I have really allowed God to guide me, and allow him to define who I am, what I do with my life and how I live it. When I stopped listening to others who didn’t actually listen to me, and didn’t trust me when I told them the direction I was going IS the direction the Lord is leading me in, because it took me away from what was right for them.

I have been told that my past doesn’t define me, which is partially true, but it sure did help shape the person I am today. While I no longer self harm, use alcohol to mask the pain I go through, or battle with eating disorders, those things are still a part of what has made me who I am. The emotional, psychological and physical scars from these things and more are still there, and cannot be erased. These things and more are a part of my story and my journey, and while I am more than just these things, I cannot forget or ignore that I have been though them.

The Lord has been showing me who to listen to and who not to listen to. I know a lot of people mean well, but they just don’t get it, so their advice is more deconstructive than constructive, and it leaves you feeling more alone and vulnerable than before.

Through this time of the Lord guiding me to be who he wants me to be, he has been helping me find my voice and be able to speak up and speak for myself rather than holding in what I am thinking.

I have also been seeking God’s will on where to attend church. Trying to find a good fit for me can be hard. I know the Lord will guide me in that as well. That will come with time and knowing where I am supposed to be living.

The whole reason why I started this blog is to help other young people, who have or are going through hard stuff, and that maybe my blog can encourage someone or help someone. No matter what you have or are going though, you are not alone.